Whose career suffers when childcare emergencies arise? Usually the mother

 

 

Last week, I sat in an office waiting to be called in for an annual parent teacher conference and checking my watch. My son is doing well in school so the conference was called purely for administrators to check off boxes. The longer I sat, the more anxious I felt about the work I should be finishing and the deadlines approaching.

I pictured my husband in his office, being productive, and I stewed.

Over our years of raising children, as child care needs have cropped up, my husband and I have negotiated who would handle them. The negotiations often turn into arguments over who has more on their plate, more flexibility at work, and inevitably, whose salary is more critical to our household income.

More often, the negotiations (arguments) end when I agree to “take one for the team.” Some days, I resent it.

My working mother friends in households with two employed parents tell me they, too, struggle with sharing family responsibilities 50-50. A teacher friend told me she has used up her allotted days off staying home with her sick son who has been battling bronchitis off and on almost the entire school year. Her husband claims his boss will dock him pay if he misses a day of work. She’s worried she is about to lose her position as grade leader. Being there for a child and living up to the demands of bosses and clients is no easy feat for a mom or dad. Although men are taking on more childcare responsibility, women still “take one for the team” more often.

Lately, I’ve been surprised at how much this inequality bothers men in supervisory roles.  A male friend who manages a radio station recently complained about a mother on his staff who has had to leave early several times in the last few weeks to handle childcare emergencies. “Why doesn’t her husband take a turn?” he asked me. “Yeah, why doesn’t he?” I responded, wondering if this situation would make my friend any more likely to pitch in with childcare emergencies in his household.

Unfortunately, when mothers take time off to handle childcare needs too frequently, they are viewed as uncommitted to their jobs or not serious about their careers. It is the reason more mothers are looking carefully at flexibility in our workplaces and resources our employers provide such as paid sick leave.

So, I’m wonder what your thoughts are on taking one for the team. Is this something you argue about with your significant other? How do you think who handles childcare needs should be decided? Do you take one for the team more often than your spouse and end up resenting it?

How to Close a Gender Gap: Let Employees Control Their Schedules – The New York Times

Source: How to Close a Gender Gap: Let Employees Control Their Schedules – The New York Times

I have been fortunate a good part of my career to have flexibility in my schedule. It is the only way I have been able to balance work and family and keep my passion for writing. I strongly believe letting employees control their work schedules would help close the gender gap. What are your thoughts? Do you feel more women would stay in their jobs and advance in their careers if they had flexibility?

Miami Herald CEO Roundtable: Long hours at the office? CEOS describe how the avoid burnout | Miami Herald

This week’s question to the Miami Herald CEO Roundtable: What kind of work hours do you keep? How do you avoid burnout?

Source: Miami Herald CEO Roundtable: Long hours at the office? CEOS describe how the avoid burnout | Miami Herald

 

 

I found this response particularly enlightening on avoiding burnout.

“I  keep a healthy diet, drink at least a glass of wine every day, I exercise, I spend time getting inspired and I spend time traveling.”

Adelee Cabrera, Regional Director, Starr Catering Group

 

I like the idea of making time in your schedule to get inspired. How many of you make time for that? Do you think that’s a luxury that few people indulge?  How do you avoid burnout?

 


Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/business/biz-monday/article140894118.html#storylink=cpy

How to Like Your Job Again

 

A few days ago, I was talking with daughter about choosing a career. I explained to her that I feel fortunate to enjoy what I do for a living. But that doesn’t mean I have liked every job I have held.

Let’s face it, many American workers are in the right profession, just the wrong job. Or they are in jobs they used to be enthused about, but just aren’t that into it anymore. When most of us spend more time at work than at home, it really makes a difference when we like what we’re doing, rather than dread going to work.

“What do you do if you’re in a job that you’re not happy in?” my daughter asked me.

“That depends,” I replied.

I went on to explain to her that there are ways to find more satisfaction from your job – whether or not it’s your dream job. I outlined some ideas:

  • Brainstorm what you like about your job, what you don’t like, what tasks make you feel motivated.
  • Make a plan for how you might improve your job situation. The plan could include expanding on the things you currently enjoy about your job. Or, it could include moving to a different department, taking on a task that requires stretching your skills, or seeking a different manager who challenges you in a rewarding way.
  • Make small changes such as participating in different meetings, or volunteering to take on a new client or new responsibility. Before you know it your job could begin to tilt in a different direction.

“If you try to like your job again and just can’t make it work, then it’s time to move on,” I explained to my daughter. “But when you do move on, know what aspect of the job you enjoy so you make the smartest move possible.”

And then, I told my daughter something I might not have said a decade ago. I told her that workers today are leaving jobs, even leaving professions, all the time and while it often works out well for them, I cautioned her about jumping too fast. I suggested taking a different approach with an existing job first. “It’s really worth a try to shift your job description into something that’s more enjoyable.”

At one point, I was burned out on the beat I was assigned. I asked my editor to change my beat from covering one industry to writing about work life balance. It was the best move I have ever made and I think it shows it is possible to figure out how to like your existing job more rather than changing jobs.

My daughter nodded and I think she heard me, or at least I hope she did.

I am sure there are other examples out there like mine. If you have shifted your job description and made an existing job more enjoyable, please share your experience. I believe it’s doable but would love to hear from others!

 

Staying Late at the Office? How to Leave Work On Time

 

One evening at the office, I had packed my laptop, slung my purse over my shoulder and stood up from my chair to head home. At that moment, a co-worker sauntered over to my desk asking for help on a project.  I noticed earlier in the day, she had been chatting away with another co-worker and had wasted about an hour shooting the breeze. Now, she was stuck staying late at the office and if I helped her, I would be, too.

Most of us find it is hard to leave work on time.  A quick peek at email before heading out the door can turn into a half-hour delay. And then there are those last minute requests that push us into overtime. Sometimes, it’s our inability to prioritize that causes us to stay late at the office finishing something we could have done earlier.

Whatever the reason you’re leaving late, it’s possible to do a better job getting out of work on time. Here’s how to make it happen:

Ramp up communication. I often have scrambled out the door way past the time I was supposed to stop working. One year, I resolved to leave by 6 p.m., which required starting my day promptly. I talked to my manager about my plan. By doing so, rather than just trying to bolt when no one was looking, I got his buy in. He understood my goals and changed his habits of making late afternoon requests. Managers, customers and co-workers become less likely to drop to-dos on your lap toward the end of the day when you establish a pattern of leaving on time and communicate your schedule.

Understand the consequences. Many times, I have spent double the amount I should on something because I started it when I was tired. Research shows working longer hours doesn’t contribute to higher productivity. In studying a variety of research, the Harvard Business Review found working more than 40 hours a week could make some workers less productive, put them at risk for making mistakes, and create the appearance of poor time-management skills.

Plan your day before arriving at work. I have learned the hard way it’s easy to get distracted by email, social media or talking to co-workers during the day. If you want to leave after eight hours, you need to be efficient within those hours. Rather than go with the flow of the workday, know what you need to get done when you walk in the door. When you plan your workday before you arrive, you should make a psychological commitment to that departure time. Some days may not go as planned. Many will.

Give yourself a 20-minute window for departure. If you wait until 6 p.m. to start packing up, you likely will get delayed by distractions. Once you’ve set your departure time, block out the 20 minutes prior to that time on your calendar to clean up any last daily details.

With some change in habit, you can actually get out the door on time. Of course, you have to believe it is possible — and resolve to make it happen.

For more, read my Miami Herald column on leaving work on time.

If you resolved to leave work on time in 2017, how are things going? Please share your experiences/frustrations/successes below!

How to handle being tired at work

 

Tired

 

This morning I woke up in the pitch dark. I looked outside wanted to go back to bed. My clock said it was time to wake up but my body did not agree. Ugh… Daylight Savings Time just robbed us of an hour of precious, glorious sleep.

Today, I’m dragging myself around sleep deprived. The worst part is some experts say this groggy jet lacked feeling could last all week.

Yep, that’s right…we might be exhausted ALL WEEK.

The worst part is that many people already were exhausted.  Losing an hour of sleep will mean an already tired workforce will be working on even less shut-eye, says Anna Kwok, vice president for Accountemps in Fort Lauderdale, an accounting staffing agency. A study from staffing firm Accountemps found 74% of professionals admitted to already being tired at work, with nearly one-third saying they’re short on sleep very often.

When we’re tired at work, we’re less focused, more grumpy and stand more of a chance of making stupid mistakes. In the Accountemps survey one really tired respondent admitted to deleting a project that took 1,000 hours to put together. Another admitted to falling asleep in front of the boss during a presentation. So embarrassing!

Some people are lucky enough to work at companies, like Ben & Jerry’s, Google and Zappos, that  encourage napping on the job to promote psychological and professional benefits. I bet those nap rooms are going to be busy today!

The rest of us have to find some other way to fight that tired feeling. Here are some ideas:

  • Take occasional breaks. Get away from your desk and walk around the office.
  • Resist cravings for junk food. Instead, keep healthy snacks around to give you stamina
  • Stay hydrated. It is a key factor in staying awake. Try putting ice in your water bottle; the cold water will keep you lively and alert.
  • Work reasonable hours. This is not the week for launching new all-encompassing projects. Staying late while you get adjusted to the time change can lead to mistakes.
  • Sit up. Slouching can lead to fatigue.
  • Use eyedrops. Splashing a couple drops in your eyes will make you feel more refreshed
  • Tug on your earlobes. Yes, this sounded crazy to me, too, when I heard it. But because of acupoints on your ears, this is a way to get the brain going. Worth a try.

(If you need them, there are more ideas at popsugar.com)

As you reach for another cup of coffee today, be patient with yourself. It may take a few days to get your body clock back on track. In the meantime, I’m going to go to bed earlier tonight and I’m going to try to follow Taylor Swift’s advice  and  “shake It off.”

 

Screen Shot 2017-03-13 at 10.02.14 AMC

 

 

Click here for full infographic

How to Survive A Working Mother Meltdown

Samantha Ettus and I have both had our working mom moments

 

One day at work, I was getting ready to leave for an author’s lunch at my daughter’s elementary school. As I gathered my things, my phone rang. It was a businessman who I had been trying to reach for days to interview for an article. He was headed out of town and willing to give me a few minutes of phone time before he boarded his flight. I sat back down and furiously took notes on my computer. By the time I finished the interview and arrived at my daughter’s classroom, she look as if she wa holding back tears. She already had read her story to the class.

I felt like crud. The guilt overwhelmed me and my meltdown lasted for days. I even considered quitting my job.

Now, 15 years later, my daughter has no memory of that day. Instead, she remembers the many times I was at her elementary class parties, awards ceremonies and field days.

Still, it was so relieving to hear from author Samantha Ettus that many other working mothers also experience that “terrible working mother moment.”  Last week, Samantha Ettus spoke about her new book, The Pie Life:A Guilt-Free Recipe for Success and Satisfaction, at the Broward County Library Literary Lunch. In writing her book, Samantha encountered many working mothers who experience that moment when they miss an event in their child’s life or forget to pack their child something he or she needs for school and the mom melts down, consumed by guilt. As Samantha pointed out, the crazy part is that years later, most children don’t even remember the incident that caused us  guilt and feelings of inadequacy.

Samantha_mockupbook-1In her book, Samantha  offers a key piece of advice: “If you choose to open up the well of guilt, you’ll find that it is bottomless. Guilt is dangerous; it eats up our time and drives poor decisions.”

Yes, guilt drives poor decisions. It drives heat of the moment decisions, and those actions often create problems for us in the long run.

Ettus speaks from experience as  a mother of three. She has learned what I have discovered from balancing work, family, friends and heath and hobbies — to survive with your sanity, you must drop the quest for perfection because it’s an impossible goal.

So then, how do working mothers survive those moments when they feel like a “bad mother” or “bad employee” or when they see another woman soaring and wonder how she has such a put-together life?

Here are five survival tactics:

*Know that everyone has messy moments. “Empathize with yourself until the messy moment passes, at which point you will have the perspective to reflect on it rationally,” Samantha says.

*Make life decisions rationally. Base decisions on goals, values, desires rather than reactions or emotions.

*Define your non negotiables. (Some people make rules such as No work on Sunday. Other say Friday night dinners are untouchable) Once you know your non negotiables, you can set boundaries to protect them, Samantha says.

*Never apologize for working. “You are a role model to your kids. Why would you apologize for that,” Samantha says.

*Talk to another working mother. No one understands the struggle to do it all like another working mother. When your are at a low, the support of a friend who gets it can bring you back up. “Having a healthy slice of friends is essential for your health and happiness,” Samantha says.

Know that every working mother has that moment when she wonders how she can go on, when we feel we have let our child down.  We want to tell our children to remember a wonderful moment instead. (Remember this, not that). But what many mothers don’t realize is that we don’t need to give those instructions. When we do our best to show our children love, holding on to those wonderful memories just happens. Now, that is some incentive to lose the guilt and live The Pie Life.

What work life perks would make your life easier?

Almost weekly, I read about a company that has been one of the best places to work by a magazine or an organization. Some of them have amazing perks and I find myself saying, “Wow, I’d love to work there!” It has made me think about what perks I find most appealing.

Some companies offer onsite day care, making life easier for working parents. Others offer onsite gyms, making it easy to fit exercise into the work day. Then there are those companies that offer massages, merchandise discounts, and unlimited vacation.

As a working mother, I most value a flexible schedule. When I need to come in a little later to attend a parent teacher conference or leave early to take my child trick or treating, having a manager that will allow me some flexibility in my work hours makes all the difference in balancing work and family. To me, that’s the best perk.

My friend who just had a baby values paid parental leave. She is thrilled that her employer not only made her feel comfortable about taking three months off, but also paid her for most of it.  She says that’s the perk that will keep her loyal.

Clearly, the perks we care about depend on our individual circumstances. But there are some that everyone can appreciate.  One company I read about offers on-site employee concierge to handle all of life’s chores. Concierges send packages and flowers, pick up groceries, shop around for the best deals on car insurance, take your car in for service including oil changes, and even stand in line for concert tickets. Now that’s a perk that can help all of us better balance our lives!

While it’s nice to be spoiled by our employers, smart companies use perks to drive engagement. They want us to be happy coming to work and give our jobs our full effort. Sure, salary is a big factor in our job satisfaction, but the right perks can keep us from leaving, or lure us to another employer.

So, it may be time to think about what perks matter most to you. What’s your favorite perk where you work? What perk would be so enticing that you would change jobs to get it?

You may not be working as much as you think you are

It’s 10 p.m. at night and I’m watching The Bachelorette. It’s a silly show but I love it. During commercials, I’m checking work email, clearing out the junk and responding to a few inquiries I didn’t get to during the day.

If you’re like me, you feel like you’re working A LOT. Yet according to the 2016American Time Use Survey, full time workers only put in about 40 hours a week, which is only five minutes more a week than a decade ago.

So, we’re not actually working as much as we think we are…or something else is going on.

In this hyper-connected age, working hours might still be 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., but the hours to do work can stretch from midnight to midnight, with emails zipping through the ether at the convenience of the sender, but not necessarily the recipient, as noted by Nick Coltrain of the Coloradoan.

I tend to interval work, which means I switch from task to task at home and the office, taking care of personal responsibilities and work responsibilities as needed. If your workday is anything like mine, you might sit down in front of your computer screen to start a project and become distracted by a new email. Then, you might work for an hour, and take a quick break to check Facebook.

The switching between personal and business tasks at the workplace has become so habitual that some researchers believe Americans spend as much as two hours of an eight-hour workday doing non-work tasks, whether or not we realize it.  Of course, no one can work 8 hours straight without going crazy. We all need breaks.

I think what makes me feel like I’m working so much is that even when I am at home and not actually working, I still feel the tug of work on my brain. It’s that “always on” feeling that researchers say creates chronic stress and emotional exhaustion and makes us feel like we’re working more all the time.

In our desire for work/life balance, it’s just as difficult to know how much time we spend on leisure activities as work tasks, in part because of the increase in smartphone use. The American Time Use Survey shows Americans spend about five hours a day doing leisure activity, with television watching accounting for more than half of that time. However, many people are like me and watch television with their mobile devices in hand, sporadically checking work email.

When employers ask workers to manually track their work time, productivity improves, according to Fred Krieger, CEO of Scoro, a San Francisco productivity/project management software firm. If you really tracked the hours you worked for a week, how much do you think it would add up to? Do you consider multi-tasking — watching television and checking email to be work or leisure time? It’s kind of tricky, isn’t it? But if we can improve our productivity by tracking our time, it might be worth doing.

What do you think your time diary would reveal about how much you work?

#worklifebalance